Slip

壊れた僕なんてさ無限に広がる孤独が始まる

Honestly I have no idea what's wrong with me. Things were going well, at least I thought they were, but suddenly it descended on my mind like an owl, unheard and with the grip of iron. Why is my brain withdrawing at a time like this? It started last night for no reason. Perhaps that's what led to my terrible night's sleep. My dinner sits on my table with no heed paid to it. No appetite after what just happened.

壊せる　壊せない　狂える　狂えない

Where did this poison in my head come from? I knew its source in the past. I had put those walls up to protect myself, henceforth deciding to never let anyone break them down so easily. And then she came along. Someone I was willing to tear my walls down for. And yet when it seemed like there was a chance she was approaching, I put a fence up. I can't fathom exactly why it happened, perhaps I just felt I wasn't worthy enough for her or I didn't want to hurt her. I genuinely want to treat her right, but somehow it just feels like I can't do it. Am I broken? Can I be fixed?

壊れた僕なんてさ あなたを傷つけたくないよ

Words

Her eyes were wet with tears. In two streaks they rolled down her cheeks, the teardrops like solitaire stars set on ashen marble. It was the longest train ride of my life though it lasted just around twenty minutes. Surrounded by friends she was, en route to drinks I was, our nights beginning on diverging paths. Our eyes met a few times, I knew not what hers spoke, I wonder as I write this if she knew what mine said. I had some idea of the reason behind her weeping but I dared not presume. I was in dialogue with another but my heart was not in it. Bewitched, spellbound, enthralled. I was charmed indeed. Aye, I do not lie, I did find her attractive afore. But this was a different charm. One not of lust nor appreciation of beauty, nay. Verily, it was something entirely different. I was compelled to embrace her tightly, allay her worries and let her know that it would be alright. It was novel, the protective instinct in me, I had felt it before, with another that did not last. Much as I wanted to do something, I did nothing. It was not my place to. She knew me not, nor I her. She has her friends and they were sufficient. Who was I to her but a stranger anyway?

In all likelihood, we would never meet again, and that's fine with me. There was no point in me saying all this after all, I will never tell her, and she will probably never find out. All that's left to do is to forget everything and move on, there was nothing to remember after all.

I'm not in love and you're not worth my tears.