Taste

The last post I regret that I have done too late and hence I have forgotten some details which resulted in a poor recount of the events. However, I'm just going to talk about something that has dawned upon me in my trip, which is that I have very expensive tastes. If you know me on my other platforms or in my more recent real life, you may know what I am talking about. So I shall begin.

If you have noticed my Instagram, most of my more recent posts have been of writing, and that is because I have more or less recently gotten into this dangerous (for my wallet) hobby of fountain pens. I got my first one, which was a Muji pocket fountain pen, more or less, about at the start of this year actually and it's a pretty good pen, for a pocket one. The cap tends to slide up and down when posted and is too short for me unposted but in terms of its writing experience and looks, I don't really have much complaints against it. It's relatively cheap too, about 13SGD, and you may think this expensive, but you will soon learn that there are more expensive ones out there. Woe be my wallet for as of now, my shopping cart carries a price of 210USD. 3 pens and the rest inks. And surprisingly, the inks cost more than my pens, but I do concede that they are mostly large bottles, which I may never use up and that they are slightly more expensive (but do come with free pens, some of them at least).

Fountain pens definitely aren't cheap and neither are their inks. That is true. But I'd say that over the long run, they are actually just as if not more economical than ballpoints. Plus your writing just looks so much more phenomenal because there are certain inks that have more vibrant colours or incredible shading and it just makes your writing so much more interesting even if it isn't. But this is an incredibly expensive taste, I cannot deny that. The more amazing the pens are, the more they tend to cost especially if they are made by hand, like some authentic Maki-e pens are, or are branded, like Montblanc and Visconti.

Some of my other more expensive tastes lie in watches as well, though I do not really know much about them, I do admit that I like a good looking watch. Then there's suits, which honestly if I had the money, I'd never be seen not in one unless there's exercise involved. Shoes as well, for they are my poison. I have 2 more shoes that I have yet to wear because my current shoe is still wearable, though if it were up to me, I'd retire it because it has been rather disfigured from use. I also like my alcohol and unfortunately, in Singapore, it is a very expensive habit. Which is kinda why I don't intend to stay here for long, for other reasons as well.

So I guess that's the end of my post, my tastes are expensive and I'm a poor person. That is all.

Trip

Finally back from my school trip and I'm knackered to shit.  This post will probably be mainly about the trip and less of my thoughts while I was there, I have decided to move those to its individual upcoming posts.(This ended up sitting as a draft on one of my tabs untouched for a week or so so I'm going to finally finish it now.)

So honestly it was kinda all over in a flash. It did not feel like it had been so long, even up until the moment we had to leave Panyu for Hong Kong. I guess time flies when you are having fun and with good company eh? Wasn't much to do on the first day actually because by the time we reached the school it was almost 1700+ and we just went for dinner before being shown the other canteen and our hostel. I was absolutely knackered from having spent the previous night awake (fucked up sleep cycle, couldn't fix it in time) so I had an "early" night. Though the others were not so. Hardly had much sleep throughout the whole trip except the last Sunday. Can't quite remember what we did on what day but basically there was a visit to a couple historic sites and the Toyota factory in Guangzhou as well as this super ancient TCM company that was at least 300-400 years old. There was also a visit to a beer factory, which is probably bad for my life, it had been a while since I had a taste of my poison. And squat toilets, fuck squat toilets.

There was a lot of exposing about my life as well. Though I did learn something about the others, I can't help but feel that I've exposed more to them than they did to me. Though it's not always that others have a life that is filled with experiences that others are interested in, just so happened that mine was. There was a lot of talk about my past "relationships" because honestly I think only 1 of them can really be considered a real relationship, though also not really. Kinda strange that there I was giving "relationship advice" when none of my relationships lasted longer than a year and all of them failed in some way. Personally I just didn't feel like I was the right person to do it. Shouldn't they be asking their parents? They did reach the "end game" of dating after all.

As for things I bought myself, I didn't really get much, other than fountain pens, which are a new found passion of mine. There were 3 different models available at the school's convenience store, I bought 2 of them, which is fairly interesting to me because these aren't things you just find like that in Singapore. They were fairly cheap and I haven't really formed an opinion on them yet, as of now I've only written with one and it's fairly expectant of its price range, which was 3 SGD. Then there was the Lamy one I bought which is by far the most expensive pen I have that I doubt I will bring out for fear of losing it and I doubt I will be lending to people in any case because of the nib wearing and that most people tend not to know how to use a fountain pen and I don't wanna risk it breaking. Oh and in Hong Kong, I went to Disneyland there and got me a BB-8 blueprint shirt as well as a Resistance pin. I just have a penchant for little trinkets like that (I mean the pin).

So that's probably about it.

What's going on?

I have decided to make this public. As some of my readers will know, it was a draft on my blog that culminated in my third ex and I getting together. The following is that draft without this first paragraph. Understand that this was written almost a whole year ago and was pretty hastily written without much proofreading and hence the English is not only a little cancerous, some details are also left out while others that I did not remember have remained here. I have also gained much clearer hindsight on my first 2 relationships as well so whatever I have mentioned about them in the draft may not be relevant anymore. I have made a decision to keep the original title of the draft as opposed to my recent trend of one word titles.

Just exactly what is going on? Recent developments have made me really confused. So on last Wednesday, the bro and I went to visit Ian and YF, who in case you didn't know, are together and Ian is my sec sch bro and YF is the bro's sec sch bro. The coincidences. Not sure if I said it before but here it is again if I did. 

Anyway, I had the pinchings of a lifetime that day. By the gods. They were real and they came so often. Well YF pinched Ian too so I guess we both had it. Though I still think I had it more. And then there's other things. She slept on me because she didn't want to sleep on the table(and I was 100% sure I smelled like sweat). Then there was the tickling, which I attempted to stop by grabbing her hands, which I then realised I still held on to it so I decided to let it go. And her caressing my hair, which she did on Wednesday and Friday, when we went to Ikea after fixing her laptop. And while we were queueing up for food, she looked up into my face and did this real adorable smile with her eyes closed. Like geez it was tempting to go ahead and peck her on the lips. But we're just friends and it would have been creepy if I did that so I didn't. And then on the train journey back, there was space for both of us on the train to stand pretty apart, close since it was crowded but not that crowded that we were touching. She for some reason decided to push me(not physically but sort of made me back up by coming nearer and nearer) into the door such that her face was literally underneath mine and I swore she grazed my dick with the back of her hand. And then using me as a pole in the MRT, holding on even when the train was stationary.

I'm really not quite sure what to make of all that. Throughout 10 years of my education and interaction with females, I've neither made that much contact with a girl nor received that much flirting. Well then again there were my two girlfriends. Apart from them, not really anyone else. And the level of flirting was beyond what they ever did. Now see, she's really a great girl. She's definitely attractive, pretty smart, caring and a brilliant friend. I can see myself loving her more than friends. But I'm hesitant because this could be not what I think it is. Either she does like me, she doesn't and just doesn't know how to not make boys fall in love with her. And I don't think it likely that she likes me because we've been shipped together by our friends before and we have both given it thought. She said that I'm a lot like her boyfriend and she broke up with him like literally on Friday. Because he was too nice for a fucked up bitch like her. Which to be honest, I don't think she's a fucked up bitch at all. Then again, I don't know her history so I can't say.

And I'm also hesitant. Hesitant because I know her boyfriend and he knows me. Also, a classmate likes her too. Even if she does like me, I'm still hesitant to do it because of my principles. I don't want to feel like I took her from them. I'm sorta lukewarm about this because of that. In the case that she does like me, that's great cause she's a wonderful girl. But then again I'm reluctant to like her back because of my principles and because of the other 2 guys. It's a fantastic dilemma ain't it?