Sunday, April 17, 2016

What's going on?

I have decided to make this public. As some of my readers will know, it was a draft on my blog that culminated in my third ex and I getting together. The following is that draft without this first paragraph. Understand that this was written almost a whole year ago and was pretty hastily written without much proofreading and hence the English is not only a little cancerous, some details are also left out while others that I did not remember have remained here. I have also gained much clearer hindsight on my first 2 relationships as well so whatever I have mentioned about them in the draft may not be relevant anymore. I have made a decision to keep the original title of the draft as opposed to my recent trend of one word titles.

Just exactly what is going on? Recent developments have made me really confused. So on last Wednesday, the bro and I went to visit Ian and YF, who in case you didn't know, are together and Ian is my sec sch bro and YF is the bro's sec sch bro. The coincidences. Not sure if I said it before but here it is again if I did. 

Anyway, I had the pinchings of a lifetime that day. By the gods. They were real and they came so often. Well YF pinched Ian too so I guess we both had it. Though I still think I had it more. And then there's other things. She slept on me because she didn't want to sleep on the table(and I was 100% sure I smelled like sweat). Then there was the tickling, which I attempted to stop by grabbing her hands, which I then realised I still held on to it so I decided to let it go. And her caressing my hair, which she did on Wednesday and Friday, when we went to Ikea after fixing her laptop. And while we were queueing up for food, she looked up into my face and did this real adorable smile with her eyes closed. Like geez it was tempting to go ahead and peck her on the lips. But we're just friends and it would have been creepy if I did that so I didn't. And then on the train journey back, there was space for both of us on the train to stand pretty apart, close since it was crowded but not that crowded that we were touching. She for some reason decided to push me(not physically but sort of made me back up by coming nearer and nearer) into the door such that her face was literally underneath mine and I swore she grazed my dick with the back of her hand. And then using me as a pole in the MRT, holding on even when the train was stationary.

I'm really not quite sure what to make of all that. Throughout 10 years of my education and interaction with females, I've neither made that much contact with a girl nor received that much flirting. Well then again there were my two girlfriends. Apart from them, not really anyone else. And the level of flirting was beyond what they ever did. Now see, she's really a great girl. She's definitely attractive, pretty smart, caring and a brilliant friend. I can see myself loving her more than friends. But I'm hesitant because this could be not what I think it is. Either she does like me, she doesn't and just doesn't know how to not make boys fall in love with her. And I don't think it likely that she likes me because we've been shipped together by our friends before and we have both given it thought. She said that I'm a lot like her boyfriend and she broke up with him like literally on Friday. Because he was too nice for a fucked up bitch like her. Which to be honest, I don't think she's a fucked up bitch at all. Then again, I don't know her history so I can't say.

And I'm also hesitant. Hesitant because I know her boyfriend and he knows me. Also, a classmate likes her too. Even if she does like me, I'm still hesitant to do it because of my principles. I don't want to feel like I took her from them. I'm sorta lukewarm about this because of that. In the case that she does like me, that's great cause she's a wonderful girl. But then again I'm reluctant to like her back because of my principles and because of the other 2 guys. It's a fantastic dilemma ain't it?

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