Ground

Nothing much to update really, except that it's now my holidays, almost a little surreal. Life is proceeding at speed and I am much unprepared for its haste. I fear I may just fall short of my plans. Perhaps on to what I came to talk about then.

I've realised, only just, that I've been making statements that are dark, and dare I say realist? I guess I know I've been making such statements, but never really gave much thought to it. I'm afraid I'm articulating myself rather poorly, so I must apologise, but I hope you get the idea. And when I say "dare I say realist", I mean that it is real based on my perception, which is not necessarily someone else's or true of the world. I'm not actually sure why I'm doing this though, perhaps it's just my pessimistic realist self spilling out of bounds. I'd actually like to think I'm just the opposite side of a coin, where one is happy, facing the sky and able to dream while there's the other side which faces the ground and is all too aware of the realities of life.

It really does make me a wet blanket, as it does ruin other people's joy when I do such things. Perhaps it would be good for me to tone it down. Focusing on a problem doesn't really solve it anyway. Thing is, my problems in life cannot be solved, I'm certain that they can't even be solved, which leaves me with nothing to do but fixate on them. It's a self-defeating cycle, because I adopt this point of view for everything else in life. I can see the good in things but I am more drawn to the bad and the real. I am less able to appreciate when something good happens but at the same time if something bad does happen, it was after all, inevitable or the will of nature/humanity. Talking about it makes me realise it's actually just my apathy after all, coupled with my propensity to focus on flaws and where things can go wrong.

I guess that's all, a short nonsensical post to talk about how I like to take things that make people feel good then ruin it by exposing something that they conveniently chose to ignore or had not thought about. At least that's the way I see it. Also, I have all these ideas floating around in my head, snippets of stories that aren't quite a full story but more of particular scenes and settings/worlds. Not sure if I might one day start posting them here. I'd like to perhaps churn them out into a fleshed out story, but all I have are just bits of tissue here and there, no real skeleton to really hold the thing down for me to fill it out as I flesh out the story.