Friday, April 10, 2015

Adulthood and wasted potential.

Before I start, I guess I should apologise for leaving my blog on hiatus for so long since I didn't do that in the previous post. Just relaxing myself into a pool of relaxation. So in this post I'm just talking about my feelings lately, nothing much. If you aren't interested in a little whining then I guess you could stop reading and go to 9gag now. See, I even gave you the link.

Boy I feel so fucking old lately. I've not remembered myself with such mature thinking before. I recently had a talk with my girl and she told me I should quit DGAD since I'm not interested in it. Well I think I'm not good at that shit, that's for sure, and I have seen what it has to offer and I just ain't interested any more, partly because I suck too. So well I don't know, I guess I started growing up and thinking about my future more seriously? The wake up call was really the 2.76 GPA I got for this semester. It ain't above a 3 and to me that just sounds like I'm bullshit, which I am. I also realise that this course isn't something I'm gonna be able to ace in without some base skill and practice which I don't really have the base skill to begin with and I don't think I'll have enough meaningful time for me to get good for it to be any worth in my diploma grades.

I remember Ray sitting me down one time after class to talk to me about my future studies and well fuck I guess I made the wrong choice by not listening to him. He told me I'm good with my Sciences and Maths and I should honestly consider JC, which well, I didn't, obviously. So I'm like ultra fucked up the butt now and I totally regret not listening to him and just went with JC. Gosh that man was an inspiration. So so awesome. Just remembered the tuition classes I had with him. I didn't really talk to anyone there and usually sat there doing my work. Being very silent. The only person that'd make me crack a smile was him with his occasional banter with the other students and his jokes. I really enjoyed his lessons.

So then that led me to think about my past in general. My PSLE t-score was 242, which apparently was a really high number and led to some of my friends questioning me as to why I was not in an Engineering course. Well I just didn't want to go to Aerospace Engineering cause fuck Singapore's bullshit technocratic education system where they won't teach you anything that Singapore doesn't need. And well all along I've known I was pretty intelligent. Ever since like early primary school I knew. I could feel it in my environment, which led to me not studying cause well the work was really too easy and I just didn't see the need to. An idea that stuck with me till now, that I'd do fine without studying cause I was smart. It was incredibly fucking stupid of me to have not realised that in lower Sec when I was failing Science and Math because I couldn't be bothered to study, thinking I'd do with my smarts. Well fuck me the wrong way with a neutron star dildo because smarts isn't going to get me far without hard work as well.

Now I regret not studying harder because I could have definitely done better, I am capable of it but I just wasted it with my laziness and complacency. Now I see and understand the words of my teachers and seniors. Well shit happens eh.

No comments:

Post a Comment