Recently I've been wondering if I'm doing the right thing in life. There's so much I want to do but I feel that there is so little time. I didn't use to think like this when I was younger, shit growing up does to you eh? Now I'm always thinking about the future, what's going to happen to me, what will I do? A person lives probably around 85 years if they're lucky. That makes every year more than 1% of my life. How am I spending this 1%? Am I using it well?
Sure, I am happy with my life as it is. I have amazing friends. The most genuine people I know, people I know I can count on, the kind of folks I would bring into battle, the kind I would fight for, lay down my life for if they wish it. The people that I would want by my side should world order break down this very moment. But as for what I am doing with it, what kind of future will it bring for me? Already, I have spent an academic year in this course. A course mostly for people with artistic minds. A mind I do not possess. All along, I've always known myself to be a scientist, a thinker and tinker. I have an insatiable hunger to understand the inner workings of everything around me, horizon events, neutron stars, psychology, evolution. Everything, I want to know everything. I'd probably do better in a course of scientific pursuit than artistic, would I not? And yet here I am, spending 1% of my life in an art-based course. What is it that I want to do with my future exactly?
I've always wanted to become a YouTuber that plays games. It's a fun and easy job, no? Sitting there, playing games, editing videos and uploading them to YouTube. Vlogging, sharing my life with people out there who are interested in my life. Getting paid by ad revenue. Making short films even. I'd probably take a course in Filmography in a heartbeat. And so there's my passions. Science and film. But here I am doing Art.
And yes, I still have a long road ahead of me. I'm only 18, I have 60 or more years of my life remaining if I am lucky. 60 or more years to do the things I want, to learn more about everything. But I've also spent a quarter of my life as well. Is this going to become something I will look back upon in my old age and think, damn, I shouldn't have done that.
I thought about all of this recently, when I was watching a Kurz Gesagt video on Neutron Stars with my sis(also there was a talk I had with an old pal). It was incredibly fascinating. It got me really excited. And my sis made a remark, "You should have taken a science course." Damn was she right. Science had been my passion all along. Physics was my shit. Ray(my tuition teacher, great fellow), Mr Tang, Mr Song, Mrs Lim and Ms Tan had been some of the most fantastic teachers I had. Theirs' was the subjects I did the best in, Math and Science. Ray in particular, had been the one that inspired me the most and started the fire in my heart that I would come to have for Physics when he explained that everything around me in the world can be explained by Physics, words that were echoed by Mr Tang and Mr Song. And so began my interest in it, my effort to understand it more, an effort that I did not possess in my lower Secondary school life.
I want to learn Physics, in particular, Astrophysics. About stars and space, our next great frontier. Manifest Destiny was wrong, the idea that it was the destiny of the American pioneers to colonise America. No, the true frontier is space. The galaxy. The universe. Homo Cosmicus, an idea by Konstantin Eduardovich Tsiolkovsky, a Russian and Soviet rocket scientist and pioneer of the astronautic theory, of Russian and Polish descent. He believed that humans would eventually come to colonise the Milky Way Galaxy and evolve into the next step, Homo Cosmicus, no longer Homo Sapiens. I too, believe that is our destiny. Humanity was born on Earth but meant for the stars. That, is our resting place. That, is our Manifest Destiny.
Most of my friends have told me that in the future I could possibly end up doing something else. I concur with that but then might my life now be in vain? It could all be put down as an experience I had in my younger days. I don't know what I'll end up doing but hey, at least I got to see what I got to see and it's all a fun journey.
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