Remaining

Well turns out I think I remembered what I wanted to talk about. So here we go again~

I don't know when I had this shift in mindset, I can't pinpoint an exact time and say, "Here, this is the moment that I changed." I can say that it's about last year that it happened. So I'm 18 already. Statistically, the average male lives to about 80. I've lived nearly a quarter of my life. I've only got about 3 quarters of it left if I don't do something stupid. I won't say it was the best quarter, plenty of shit happened but from that shit also came flecks of gold called life lessons, so it wasn't all for the worst. And gradually I've just come to not be annoyed at people who call me names, who insult me, generally people who want to shit on my life. If anything, there's pity for them, that they'd have to stoop so low to try and hurt my feelings even though it doesn't work. Part of this is also probably because I've gained this ability to cut toxic people out of my life without batting an eyelid (but doesn't mean that just because we were cut off you were toxic), probably helps with not being affected by being insulted. And now that I'm thinking about it, it seems a little psychopathic to be honest, to have no sentiment for such things and being able to cavalierly cut off people like that.

Another part of it, a bigger part I figured as a part of my sudden realisation that I have grown up over the past year, is that I've lived a full 18 years, well a little over now. But I've lived 18 years. I got 62 left and hell, I'll be damned if I let anyone shit on the rest of that 62 years. I am determined to be generally satisfied with my life and there's no room for people who want to shit on me in that 62 years. If we ain't good for each other then I'm not gonna bother with you. You feel me? You only got so much time in this world, you don't got time to be sad, to be insulted, to be shit on by lesser people. That time is for you to live, to learn, to love, be loved. I'm not saying shit won't happen or you should shut out people who shit on you but mean well, shit's going to happen, it's life and they shit on you because they love you. That's fine. I'm talking about the toxic ones, the ones who shit on you for the sole purpose of shitting on you, to make themselves feel good. They're not worthy of being in your life so just cut them off as you would a cancer tumour.

As Hailee Steinfeld says,

"I love me, gonna love myself."