Oz

Wow I haven't blogged in a month but I guess there wasn't really much to talk about, and I was rather busy as well. I'm just gonna talk about my upcoming overseas internship to Australia. I've known about it for a while now, that I was selected, I just hadn't thought to make a blog post about it yet. I shan't bore you with the details of it, but I'll be gone for roughly 3 months and I'll be in the state of South Australia.

So, 3 months overseas, it'll be the longest period of time I'll be away from familiarity. Thankfully I won't be alone, there's a friend joining me, which is sorta a double edged sword as I'll explain later. That and it's a country that I'm considering emigrating to in future, so I can at least see if I'll like it there. It'll be winter while I'm there, which is nice, I've already experienced Australian summer, so let's see what the winter is like. But I already know that no matter what, I will probably like it better there than here. If anything, it might just drive me further down the rabbit hole of hatred I have for this place when I have to return. Compounded by the fact that it'll be less than a year to my imprisonment on the prison island and then prison main island doesn't make it any better.

It might seem shallow that I'm saying this but I just hope that the internet will be better than I think, last I checked, Australia (rather, Oceania in general) didn't have very good internet speeds. That'll probably be the hardest thing for me to cope with (and that I won't be able to play games on the SEA server where all my friends play), I've afterall, been rather accustomed to a good internet network. As for the matter of the people there, I shan't expect to make any friends there, I'm only there for 3 months after all, who knows if I'll return. It's my philosophy not to get too well acquainted with people who won't last in my life, but who knows, maybe something might change my mind about that when I'm there.

So about the friend, he's a nice fellow, incredibly smart. There's nothing wrong about him honestly, my only worry is that I'll find out something about him that irrevocably changes my view of him. Doubt it'll happen but you never know, I've had my fair share of people who turned out there was another side to them.

I guess that's all I have to say about it. Toodles~

Transcendence?

A long overdue update of my oh so ordinary life perhaps. Had my exams two weeks ago, don't really have much to say about it other than I fucked up my math paper so good. It's gonna be a tough semester. I'm a little disappointed to say that I've lost any sort of drive to work harder. I just want to take things easy and enjoy life's minutiae. Gotta go as slow as you can go fast right? Perhaps slowing down too much, I can feel myself getting dumber, and I do mean it. I just can't seem to be as on the ball anymore. Regardless, I shall just stop boring you with my self reflection and get to what I actually want to talk about.

So I've recently come to realise that I absolutely detest clingwrap. It's not the way it feels or looks etc but rather the way it works. It's literally a roll of plastic that you just use and throw away. It's downright disposable, there's nothing about it that's reusable or permanent (other than that it stays in the environment forever) in any way. And to my knowledge you can't recycle it, not that it would be easy, given that there's usually food substances on it. And it's made me realise something too. I'm inspired to live in a way that is less impactful. In the sense that I don't want to have stuff that will be around long after I'm gone. I recently watched this documentary on Japanese carpentry, where there's an art of building things purely from wood, no metal involved. It's so zen, vague description, I know, but it's the only way I can put it. Realistically, there was no way I could possibly live a zero waste life. I'm aware I lack the fortitude for such an undertaking but that doesn't mean I can't minimise my waste.

So that's really all I have to say. I'm interested in writing a few shorts, but I'm lacking the conviction to carry through with it so if you actually want to see them, just let me know and I'll try to find the strength to do it.

Crispr

I have not updated my blog in way too long. It's not that I didn't have things I want to say but somehow when I try to get down to writing it, it just seems like I don't have the mood to do it, it ends up half assed and I scrap it. Plus it kinda feels like I was just talking about topics that I had already mentioned before and I didn't want to sound like I'm just super hung up on it so it's just better that I didn't write it. Was a hectic few weeks anyway, and spent most of my free time in League, which is taking up so much of my time that I might actually quit again. But that's not what I came here to talk about, so let's get to it.

So in case you don't know what the title means, it's CRISPR, which is basically a form of gene modification. What it does in simple terms is using an engineered virus, replace sections of your gene code with one that is desired. What that means is if you're at a genetic propensity for violent behaviours, cancers, obesity, mental illnesses, low IQ, anything that is considered a negative, you can cut those sections of your genes out and have them replaced with another section of DNA designed for you. This is a permanent change too. No need to keep taking drugs, no relapse. It's permanent. Done once, it's done forever. Sounds like a great thing right? You're able to design your own genetic code, change your destiny. Suddenly you can prevent the deaths of so many people. Scared to reproduce for fear of passing on your propensity for genetic diseases? Well now you don't have it (the propensity for genetic diseases, I mean, sucks if you already had it but I doubt it'll cure it if you already have it) and neither will your children, and their children's children.

Ah, but that's exactly the problem. Scientists are unwilling to allow CRISPR to be used on humans for that very reason. Who's to say that your children and your children's children would be accepting of the idea of CRISPR? Who's to say that they won't be some God fearing person that views your choice as blasphemy, defiling the creation of God? It's just one example, but the point is that they might not accept the effects of CRISPR, which lives on in your genetic code and that of all your offspring. You're making a choice that will potentially affect thousands, if not millions, of people. Which is why they're not allowing the use of CRISPR on humans on ethical grounds.

But is preventing us from preventing a now preventable genetic disease from affecting our progeny ethical? I am tempted to say that there are some situations where for the collective good, individual human rights can and should be thrown aside. If you think me a monster for harbouring such thoughts, think of vaccinations. Most every neonate is given a shot soon after they were birthed. Were they given choice in this? Could they have consented? No, they could not, and consent was given either by law or by its parents. What CRISPR could provide is a means to permanent vaccination against various genetic dispositions that could adversely affect the lives of our offspring. Is it ethical to indirectly allow them to die from something we could have easily prevented in our lifetime? CRISPR can not only save lives, it can help create them where none might have come.

Of course, CRISPR can also be used for cosmetic purposes, which is where I stop my support for it. Sure it's great to have beautiful people running around everywhere, but for people who can't afford such luxuries, what of them and their offspring? It creates a class boundary clearly defined by socioeconomic statuses and sexual appeal. The rich would be beautiful and the poor, well, mostly "ugly". Just one example of perhaps many such situations that could arise from the proliferation of CRISPR. Just watch Gataca to know what I mean.

Perhaps that's why they've decided not to allow it. It's not up to me to decide, but if it were, I'd only allow the use of CRISPR for altering genetic disabilities only.

Loop

So it's been the holidays for gods know how many weeks now. I'm guessing 3, but I might be wrong, or remarkably correct. My days have been devolved into slipping in and out of a nocturnal and diurnal life, I can't seem to stick to one. I'd much rather it be nocturnal but my family seems to be having none of it. Figure I'm going to talk about Kendo and I at the moment.

Now, you might have guessed from the title, if so, good on you. Right now, I feel like I'm stuck in a feedback cycle. Ever since that stretch of time that I refrained from going because of my flu and cough, I just seem to have lost all motivation to go for it. See, I don't exactly have any friends there. It's really hard for me to make friends because I don't like to waste time and myself on people who might not be there several years down the road (not exactly going to make any friends if I think of it that way, I know) and especially if I don't see them daily for several days. There's not exactly much time to socialise before, during or after CCA either. And so, because I don't really have friends there, I am not very compelled to go. Which leads to me being unable to know them better because well, I'm not there. Which leads to me not forging closer ties and then me not wanting to go, which just feeds itself endlessly until I eventually just quit Kendo.

I honestly think holidays are ruining me. Ever since that really long one after the O levels, it seems to only have gotten worse. I just enter my cocoon and sink ever deeper into it. It's not that I mind being by myself or that no one "bothers" me. I actually quite enjoy it, apart from the potential boredom that might arise. It's just that when I need to go out and do things, I don't ever get around to doing it or wanting to do it, even if it was something that I wanted to do originally.

I'm quite bored with living, to be honest. Not that I'd go and kill myself, it's just I don't particularly have anything to live for. I don't want to die either but I just feel shackled. I'm shackled by the circumstances of my birth, not that I mind the socio economic status, I honestly think I have it better off than most people, just the circumstances of where I was born. I don't see the point in giving 2 years of my life for a country I won't lay down my life for, nor they for me, let's be honest. No offense, but I don't see anything worth saving in this culture and society. Individual people, I'd do it maybe. This nation? Sorry, but there's really nothing to save here for me and if you forced me to do it, I'd do a shit job, if not kill myself doing it. (Beginning to go on a tangent so I'll stop after my last point, what's the point in forcing someone who has no wishes to defend your country to do so? I'm referring to that NZ guy some months ago that was being forced to come back to serve. Dude, the guy left when he was 5. You are literally unable to remember things from before you're 3. The dude has only really lived 2 years here and probably remembers jack shit from it. And he gained nothing from Singapore except his vaccinations. If I were him, I'd probably laugh at the gov and said, "Great, have no plans to come here anyway.")

Anyway, fuck it. Toodles~

Ground

Nothing much to update really, except that it's now my holidays, almost a little surreal. Life is proceeding at speed and I am much unprepared for its haste. I fear I may just fall short of my plans. Perhaps on to what I came to talk about then.

I've realised, only just, that I've been making statements that are dark, and dare I say realist? I guess I know I've been making such statements, but never really gave much thought to it. I'm afraid I'm articulating myself rather poorly, so I must apologise, but I hope you get the idea. And when I say "dare I say realist", I mean that it is real based on my perception, which is not necessarily someone else's or true of the world. I'm not actually sure why I'm doing this though, perhaps it's just my pessimistic realist self spilling out of bounds. I'd actually like to think I'm just the opposite side of a coin, where one is happy, facing the sky and able to dream while there's the other side which faces the ground and is all too aware of the realities of life.

It really does make me a wet blanket, as it does ruin other people's joy when I do such things. Perhaps it would be good for me to tone it down. Focusing on a problem doesn't really solve it anyway. Thing is, my problems in life cannot be solved, I'm certain that they can't even be solved, which leaves me with nothing to do but fixate on them. It's a self-defeating cycle, because I adopt this point of view for everything else in life. I can see the good in things but I am more drawn to the bad and the real. I am less able to appreciate when something good happens but at the same time if something bad does happen, it was after all, inevitable or the will of nature/humanity. Talking about it makes me realise it's actually just my apathy after all, coupled with my propensity to focus on flaws and where things can go wrong.

I guess that's all, a short nonsensical post to talk about how I like to take things that make people feel good then ruin it by exposing something that they conveniently chose to ignore or had not thought about. At least that's the way I see it. Also, I have all these ideas floating around in my head, snippets of stories that aren't quite a full story but more of particular scenes and settings/worlds. Not sure if I might one day start posting them here. I'd like to perhaps churn them out into a fleshed out story, but all I have are just bits of tissue here and there, no real skeleton to really hold the thing down for me to fill it out as I flesh out the story.

Ark

This will be a rant. Be warned. Those who know me well will know that I'm a godless heathen who will rot in hell for not being "saved". Mini rant before I start my rant on almost the same topic, I don't get how getting baptised is considered being "saved" by Jesus, as a schoolmate told me some 4-6 years ago on Facebook where he, a Christian, was arguing with another Catholic schoolmate (Seriously, you guys read from the same fucking book and you're shitting on each other? It's not a fucking dictionary, people. It's a story book and you can interpret it any which way you like.) and he kept going on and on about how he was saved by Jesus, which I thoroughly did not understand. Did he materialise in between you and a speeding cement truck and stopped it dead in its tracks with one hand? Were you drowning when he walked over to you and pulled you out of the water? Did he cure your terminal stage cancer with a few kind words? The answer to all of those, is no. So no, Jesus didn't save you, you weren't dying before you got momentarily drowned by while saying a few quotes from your favourite book. And I guess the fundamental difference here is that they believe that unless you were baptised, you will go to hell (which not all Christians believe so seriously like you guys can't even read the same book the same way among yourselves, even within the denomination a different church has a different understanding) rather than heaven so in that way you are "saved". But how do you know that baptising isn't actually washing your pure soul away so that you won't be accepted into the real heaven which is "hell"? Did God personally tell you that? Before I go on about this baptising nonsense, let me get to the real meat and potatoes.

How can people realistically believe in Noah's Ark even if God is real. Just think about it. The dude is some herder or farmer or some shit who lives in the middle of a desert. Dude has probably never seen a ship in his whole life. How does he know how to build a seaworthy ship when he's never seen one? Suppose then, that by God's grace he is granted the knowledge of how to do it. He lives in a fucking desert. The closest coast is probably at least 300 km away. You want to know why I mention the coast? Because guess what, trees don't grow in the fucking desert, much less trees that are shipbuilding timber. Even for a small ark, one that was actually seaworthy and won't twist apart in gentle waters, there wouldn't be enough wood for miles around. It would all have to be traded from other regions, namely India or East Africa and dragged for 300km to where Noah was. Noah had to be fucking rolling in gold to be able to afford this kind of shit, no way a herder or farmer in a resourceless desert could afford it. If God mysteriously just gave Noah the wood in the form of a forest, we would know about it and there is absolutely no way a family of 7 could chop down enough wood to build a ship within 10 years while doing whatever they do for food. Mind you, just chopping, not even processing, which probably includes drying and separating into planks and all that shit, which requires tools that Noah probably didn't have, given that he was probably still in the Bronze age (most likely before, actually, which makes it even more unlikely), these things were expensive and hard to come by.

You don't just need wood to build a ship though, you need pitch, or black tar, to seal them seams and other nooks and crannies. Which again, is hard to come by and probably really expensive, where is Noah getting all his money from? The good grace of other people through the will of God? Unlikely. No way you'd bring timber or pitch 4 months across the ocean from your homeland just to donate it to some hick with delusions that a higher being is asking him to build an ark (Also, now that I think about it, ships were around in that period, why are we building an ark again?) and return penniless for all your troubles. And who's helping him bring the timber to his home? An army of donkeys from the will of God? What are the hundreds of donkeys necessary for such a feat eating in a desert?

So let's just say that through the will of the Holy Spirit, all those things were brought to Noah. How could a family of 7 build an ark and still have time to do whatever they do for food? Same thing with the magic forest and tree chopping again. It takes hundreds of skilled workers to build a ship in a few years, even in the 1800s, when they've been at it for the past 500 years at least. How long are 7 unskilled workers who have to make their own food while they're at it going to need? They're lucky if they finish half of it before one of them dies, which let me remind you is very early, at most 60. It's just unfeasible.

So in conclusion, even if God truly existed and asked a prehistoric man by the name of Noah to try and build an ark, he couldn't have done it even if he tried literally his whole life. The lives of his children too, for the matter.

Strange

I'm rather sure that you'll probably never find another person with as strange a collection of interests as me. Perhaps it's just that old adage that everyone is unique and I am no exception. It's just that I find myself standing in two different worlds at the same time and it's a little conflicting at the same time. Now I realise I've probably mentioned some things in this blog post before and you're probably  sick of hearing about it, for which I am slightly apologetic, but this is my blog after all.

It is perhaps no secret to some who know me better that I have an interest in suits. A well made suit that fits one to a tee (hehe)  just arouses me mentally. Hell, if I could, I'd dress in a suit everyday, a different one for every day. I just can't afford them or have the time to launder all of them myself. Yea, call me old fashioned but a man in a well fit suit just glows with charisma. Besides, I do feel like an old soul sometimes. I'm also interested in fountain pens as well, which I doubt I can find more than 50 people in the whole of NYP using one. Maybe not even 20. They just write good, I can't really explain it. It's nigh impossible for me to use ballpoints anymore, they bore me to no end, though I sometimes use a Pilot G2 to mix things up a little. It's also highlighted to me paper quality, something I never gave much thought to before. This is my "old and indoors" side, I'd say.

Another set of interests lies in darker realms. Things that cause death just intrigue me. It draws me to them. It doesn't matter what they are or where they're from. If it was made to kill, I'm drawn. As such it has led to a general interest in weapons, individual or crew-served, ancient, medieval and modern. Poisons and venoms. Traps (not the Thai kind, if I may indulge in a stereotype). Martial arts. Doesn't matter if it was a gun or a sword, a tank or a fighter jet. I suppose this would be my dark side. Now just because I have an interest in these things and the manner in which they were used or operated doesn't mean I like killing. Yes, it is inevitable and some things do deserve to die, but not all the time and not everyone.

This side, I suppose would be my "young and outdoors" side. I love adventure and I love to witness the awe of the natural world. If I journey overseas, rarely would it be for shopping (for things that I can get in my home country anyway). It would be for food (culinary adventure, my dear), the natural and cultural sides of the country. It would be no secret to some that I would like to one day pick up motorcycling, in fact, I have my eyes on several bikes right now (don't know what for, since I can't buy them and my mum opposes me riding given that was how my dad died). It's an appeal that most won't understand unless it calls to them too. Unbridled freedom and adventure was how it called to me. That and the fact that my preferred music genre is house makes this my "young and outdoors" side.

Now, I hope you can see how this is a bit of a conflict. My dark side has totally nothing to do with my confusion. It's that I like suits (leather jackets do arouse me too, but it's more of a rugged charm than eloquent charisma) and yet I like motorcycling, which I can't really wear a suit for unless I'm keen on ruining a sub-thousand (maybe more) dollar suit every time I fall. Not that I might fall, it's just that in case I do, I would lose much more than I might otherwise. I like fountain pens and I like to go out into the wild. Hard to go rucking when a dip into a river would fuck your ink up rather badly. And that it's not going to be easy to find a place to sit down and just enjoy writing with a cuppa tea at a desk in your own chair. I'm going to look like I'm some kind of rich, classy dude who might like to sit down in an armchair by the fire with a book and his hound at his feet and yet the music you hear coming out of his earphones would suggest that he hits the clubs on the weekends, maybe daily. It just makes me feel like an odd package you know? The things I like don't lie in the same area on the spectrum and it's just strange.