Me

Honestly I couldn't have picked a better time to have the feels for writing a blog post, it's just past 3am now and I'm struck by the feels to write a blogpost. At least my lessons are at 12 noon tomorrow. Got a beer by me and it's time to let loose my inner writing demon. Feel like I should talk about myself lately, it's been rather rough and kinda just gotta let it out a little.

Right now, I got my music on and I'm ready to just get into the vibe of writing. Honestly, if anyone listens to my choice of music, there's usually only a couple things that happen, 1, they assume I'm a clubber, 2, they've usually never heard of more than a quarter of the songs in my playlist at any one time (for my last 3 playlists at least). Well they're not wrong that I club, except I do it at my seat in front of my computer. I've never set foot in a club mainly because I don't see the point of getting it on surrounded by strangers, sweat and spilled beer. I'd much rather do it with some close friends though most aren't the clubber type. And they've never heard of the music I listen to before because most of the time, they're not into electronic music, and even if they are, the titles I listen to mostly aren't mainstream, at least not locally. I'd be hard pressed to find more than 2 people I know who know what Monstercat is. This is also why I avoid going to karaokes because more often than not, the songs I know or want to sing won't be available because they aren't mainstream.

Lately, the deadlines are closing in and I've been feeling so choked and suffocated. In the sense that I just become so busy that everything I do isn't sort of for me, I am not enjoying what I'm doing. Yes, Kendo has been rather taxing, it just burns me out so much that for most of the rest of the week I'm just trying to heal up for the next training. I think I love Kendo, the Sensei is passionate, it is fun and I'm really loving having people try to kill me (sounds real masochist but I do admit I do swing that way just a little), but it is just a tad too killer for me. I hate to miss out on trainings, in fact, I've just missed 2 in a row, which is much needed so that I could work on my assignments and myself a little but it honestly bums me out because I feel like these 2 were particularly important, having been just after Sumi Sensei, an 8th dan Sensei, graced us with his teachings. I just feel like there is so much to learn (probably a little too much for me actually) and I've just missed out on so much that it really sucks. If things go well, I might be able to turn up for the coming training on Friday at least.

But besides Kendo, the work lately has just made it incredibly claustrophobic. I feel like I'm drowning half the time, I'm exhausted, I'm burned out and I need some time for me, to watch some videos, to play a couple games, and just relax a little. The stress is kinda overwhelming. I'm on edge most of the time and I'm so lethargic sometimes I catch myself just blanking out during group conversations. I've never felt this much stress before, not in Secondary School or DGAD. In Sec school I honestly just couldn't be bothered. In DGAD, I was tired most of the time but I've never felt stress, even doing 3D modelling or during crunch time (well maybe a little, but I never felt this suffocated). Things at home hasn't exactly been relaxed at all, if anything, there's only been more pressure.

Just a short break before I go back to talking about me, at this point I've run out of my beer and I'm not keen on making this the time I open a Guinness for the first time. I wouldn't be able to enjoy my virgin experience! That said, I do just feel like I need to get a little more drunk, a moment of revelry in a time of darkness. It may become a toxic habit soon enough, if I use ethanol as a way to escape my troubles, though it seems so far to be the only thing capable of making me think of things other than them.

Thankfully, I'm not alone. I do have friends by my side in this tough time. Though I may not openly express it (a pertinent issue with me), I am actually rather grateful for them. Other friends may not be quite as... distracting. They just have a way of making me forget about the strife for the short time I'm with them, though sometimes, my obligations have a way of nagging at the back of my mind to return to my work, for it is certain that I will spend at least half my time just blankly staring at my work, incapable of formulating a proper solution for it. I will not say who you are, but you know who you are. Thank you.

As of now, in my foreseeable future, I just don't think I have the time to do everything I want to do. I have many games to play, I buy them but I never have the time to get around to playing them. I have so many videos to watch on YouTube. As of now, my backlog sits at exactly 1808 videos, though this is definitely more than likely to change the moment tomorrow comes. I have a recorder that I want to get to learning, not sure if I've mentioned this earlier but I've found out that there is actually a whole lot more notes you can play with it than I was taught in primary school, just think about the world I'm missing out on.

Since I'm on the topic of music, I suppose this is the tangent I will head off on for now. I've actually considered joining Soundcard, which is a basically a singing CCA in NYP. I actually used to sing while playing the League O Leggo with my Sec sch friends, of course, they hated it most the time. Hell, I probably would have too. Well I do think I can sing, I just have a problem with opening up in front of others without alcohol loosening my inhibitions, which includes dancing as well and why I failed ballroom auditions. For the matter, I think most of my songs would either be EDM or something obscure they've most likely never heard before like ARTTM, who are sadly disbanded.

I also, a little known fact by most, have taken up to 2nd grade in Piano, surprise. Though I must again admit that I actually have forgotten most of it. I can probably only play up to Grade 1 songs as of now. A friend is encouraging me to get back into it and I can't say I don't want to, I just have several reservations about it. For one, I'm rather old now, I'm almost 20 and way out of the period of time where my brain is flexible enough to learn music quickly. I don't have a lot of time either, given that NS is coming up, I have Kendo, I have so many videos to watch and so many games to play. I also probably don't want to learn it professionally, because it will require me to get graded and in order to be graded I will have to learn classical pieces and I'm honestly just not into them. I'd much rather play pop songs (as much I don't listen to pop), game theme songs and EDM songs, of which I'm quite sure the latter 2 don't have a huge following or would be easily recognisable. I also hate to associate myself with notes, I can barely read music now and it honestly just fucks me up to read some squiggles on lines. If I do pick it up, I will probably try to do it by ear and YouTube and I doubt it is an easy task to learn an entire song that way, especially when the tones are made artificially too.

Enough talk about music though, I shall perhaps talk about a topic that I've always wanted to talk about but kinda didn't really get the chance to. No longer will I push it back to a later date, it just seems that the later I push it, the less likely it is that it'll ever be fleshed out. It has been a while since I broke up with my last ex. In a couple days, it would have been one full year since. She seems to not have wasted any time, I don't doubt that she's gone on dates with at least 2 guys within 3 months, as of now, given the little I know, she appears to be in a relationship with someone, saying words that she used to say about us. Honestly, sometimes I act like I hate her and I do, but other times, I do wish that she does eventually find her happiness and break her own curse. I don't think we can ever return to a state of friendship like I did with another "ex" (honestly now that I think back, we were only ever b/gf in name) because I can't help but feel like in some way, she has betrayed me, though to my knowledge she never physically cheated on me. Emotional cheating isn't any better in any case.

I used to have all these ideals on what I want in my partner but now honestly, I feel it's a little foolish. Right now I just hope I can find a girl who is willing to stick with me while I am building up myself and can understand me. Sounds kinda selfish, now that I say it out. I guess I'm just tired of having to always wonder if I'm a good boyfriend and if we'll work out in the long run. I guess I just haven't had a relationship where I've felt like the girl hasn't expected some kind of fairy tale Prince Charming. For some reason, girls seem to only be after a finished product, if the guy is in the midst of developing himself, he's not even considered. I can only say, before a diamond is worth anything, it has to first be cut and polished, before then, it's just another rock. You gotta help each other to realise their potential and build each other up. If it is just one person carrying the other up, you can bet they'll eventually tire of lofting you.

I guess I'll end it here. I've spent almost 2 hours writing this. I've been sober for a while now and this is probably by far the longest blogpost I've ever written. Not sure when the next one will be. I suppose this will serve as some sort of snapshot of my thoughts at this current juncture in my life. Until then,

Toodles~

Hobby

It's been more than a while since my last post, about 4 weeks in fact, maybe more. I've just been sorta lost in the buzz of life back at school and the like. This will probably be more of an update post, I wish I'd have the time to talk about other things but I don't quite have the luxury. Maybe in a couple week's time I would.

So in the time between my last post and now, I've expanded my pen collection to include a TWSBI Eco, Jinhao X750 and a couple more Platinum Preppies. I won't talk too much about them lest this turns into a pen review post instead of an update. I'll just say that the Eco is by far my most interesting pen and the X750 writes better than I expected for a mere 10SGD. I'd seriously recommend the X750 for anyone interested in getting into fountain pens. It may not be a Safari or Kaweco but hey, if you don't decide they are your thing, it's just 10SGD and it writes comparatively similarly to a Safari. Plus it doesn't have the weird section.

I've also joined the NYP Kendo club. I'll be honest in saying that I am not particularly interested in Kendo as Kendo but rather more interested in Kenjutsu. But hey, Kenjutsu just isn't as prolific as Kendo and for now, it will serve my purposes, which is a way of testing my tenacity, keeping fit and letting myself free, in the sense that I get to get in touch with my more primal side. So far I can only say that I have been much discouraged from staying, economically it is rather costly, and it also takes up roughly 10h every week from my free time. I won't say it is a test of my time management because honestly, I'm not making it so and let's be honest, I can't manage my time and I don't bother to, that's just not who I am. As for my fellow juniors in Kendo, I can only say I am highly disappointed by them.

I could tell that some of them totally have no knowledge about anything at all, and yet they are talking as if they know a lot. I've heard one of them say a shinai is a weapon. No, no it is not. If they wanted to make it a weapon, they would have made it out of solid wood instead of bamboo staves that can flex so it makes the hit hurt less. That among other things that have quite escaped my mind. I just wish they wouldn't claim to know stuff that isn't true.

Is it fair to extend my expectations to strangers as well? Given that I am also an inexperienced Kendoka, am I hypocritical if I say they are subpar? I've only attended about 5 trainings so far, and in that 5, what I have seen has only disappointed. It is a dojo, a place of respect and yet, many are laissez-faire in their bearing, standing improperly, holding the shinai improperly, using it as a walking cane, mind you, leaning on it for support and even 3 weeks into the CCA I am still seeing it. I shall not go on before I make the rest of this paragraph solely about this. Let me move on to their kiai, which is a sort of battle cry before we attack. And now, what's the purpose of a battle cry? To show your strength, courage and will to fight. It is to intimidate your opponent and demonstrate your prowess. When they kiai, a small child might start laughing. And I don't mean the girls' kiai. Of course theirs wouldn't be as strong, I am talking about the guys'. Seriously, it's just that weak, they don't shout during the warm-ups either. Absolutely deplorable.

Moving on to the strikes, they all hit, I mean tap, with the absolute lightest touch. It's not just the girls doing it, now it might be that they aren't as strong, that is fine, but even guys are doing that, what the fuck? I had a guy barely hit me for every strike he made. I don't even. And so many of them are afraid of hitting and getting hit. Then let me ask you, if you are not a warrior at heart, then why did you join the fight? It might be better for you to sit at home in front of your fire with a book in your lap than in the fields of battle in front of your enemy with a sword in your hand. And yes, I know that's no longer what Kendo is anymore but that was what it was about when it was born, a way of training for war without using steel.

But I will say that I do like the sensei actually, he does have a passion for the sport. I quote,

"I don't want finances to get in the way of you learning Kendo if you have the passion." 

Now, I've never seen someone so dedicated in getting people to join that he's willing to go out of his way to talk to people and see how much of a discount he can help us get for our gear. It's really impressive and he's certainly got my respect.

And as you may have noticed, these are my latest hobbies, however, as I have stated in my previous post, I have expensive tastes and so far that has proven true. Kendo is likely to cost me 800-1000SGD and my pens aren't all that cheap either (though surprisingly cheaper than Kendo, as it turns out). I think I will continue with Kendo though, I do quite enjoy it actually.

Taste

The last post I regret that I have done too late and hence I have forgotten some details which resulted in a poor recount of the events. However, I'm just going to talk about something that has dawned upon me in my trip, which is that I have very expensive tastes. If you know me on my other platforms or in my more recent real life, you may know what I am talking about. So I shall begin.

If you have noticed my Instagram, most of my more recent posts have been of writing, and that is because I have more or less recently gotten into this dangerous (for my wallet) hobby of fountain pens. I got my first one, which was a Muji pocket fountain pen, more or less, about at the start of this year actually and it's a pretty good pen, for a pocket one. The cap tends to slide up and down when posted and is too short for me unposted but in terms of its writing experience and looks, I don't really have much complaints against it. It's relatively cheap too, about 13SGD, and you may think this expensive, but you will soon learn that there are more expensive ones out there. Woe be my wallet for as of now, my shopping cart carries a price of 210USD. 3 pens and the rest inks. And surprisingly, the inks cost more than my pens, but I do concede that they are mostly large bottles, which I may never use up and that they are slightly more expensive (but do come with free pens, some of them at least).

Fountain pens definitely aren't cheap and neither are their inks. That is true. But I'd say that over the long run, they are actually just as if not more economical than ballpoints. Plus your writing just looks so much more phenomenal because there are certain inks that have more vibrant colours or incredible shading and it just makes your writing so much more interesting even if it isn't. But this is an incredibly expensive taste, I cannot deny that. The more amazing the pens are, the more they tend to cost especially if they are made by hand, like some authentic Maki-e pens are, or are branded, like Montblanc and Visconti.

Some of my other more expensive tastes lie in watches as well, though I do not really know much about them, I do admit that I like a good looking watch. Then there's suits, which honestly if I had the money, I'd never be seen not in one unless there's exercise involved. Shoes as well, for they are my poison. I have 2 more shoes that I have yet to wear because my current shoe is still wearable, though if it were up to me, I'd retire it because it has been rather disfigured from use. I also like my alcohol and unfortunately, in Singapore, it is a very expensive habit. Which is kinda why I don't intend to stay here for long, for other reasons as well.

So I guess that's the end of my post, my tastes are expensive and I'm a poor person. That is all.

Trip

Finally back from my school trip and I'm knackered to shit.  This post will probably be mainly about the trip and less of my thoughts while I was there, I have decided to move those to its individual upcoming posts.(This ended up sitting as a draft on one of my tabs untouched for a week or so so I'm going to finally finish it now.)

So honestly it was kinda all over in a flash. It did not feel like it had been so long, even up until the moment we had to leave Panyu for Hong Kong. I guess time flies when you are having fun and with good company eh? Wasn't much to do on the first day actually because by the time we reached the school it was almost 1700+ and we just went for dinner before being shown the other canteen and our hostel. I was absolutely knackered from having spent the previous night awake (fucked up sleep cycle, couldn't fix it in time) so I had an "early" night. Though the others were not so. Hardly had much sleep throughout the whole trip except the last Sunday. Can't quite remember what we did on what day but basically there was a visit to a couple historic sites and the Toyota factory in Guangzhou as well as this super ancient TCM company that was at least 300-400 years old. There was also a visit to a beer factory, which is probably bad for my life, it had been a while since I had a taste of my poison. And squat toilets, fuck squat toilets.

There was a lot of exposing about my life as well. Though I did learn something about the others, I can't help but feel that I've exposed more to them than they did to me. Though it's not always that others have a life that is filled with experiences that others are interested in, just so happened that mine was. There was a lot of talk about my past "relationships" because honestly I think only 1 of them can really be considered a real relationship, though also not really. Kinda strange that there I was giving "relationship advice" when none of my relationships lasted longer than a year and all of them failed in some way. Personally I just didn't feel like I was the right person to do it. Shouldn't they be asking their parents? They did reach the "end game" of dating after all.

As for things I bought myself, I didn't really get much, other than fountain pens, which are a new found passion of mine. There were 3 different models available at the school's convenience store, I bought 2 of them, which is fairly interesting to me because these aren't things you just find like that in Singapore. They were fairly cheap and I haven't really formed an opinion on them yet, as of now I've only written with one and it's fairly expectant of its price range, which was 3 SGD. Then there was the Lamy one I bought which is by far the most expensive pen I have that I doubt I will bring out for fear of losing it and I doubt I will be lending to people in any case because of the nib wearing and that most people tend not to know how to use a fountain pen and I don't wanna risk it breaking. Oh and in Hong Kong, I went to Disneyland there and got me a BB-8 blueprint shirt as well as a Resistance pin. I just have a penchant for little trinkets like that (I mean the pin).

So that's probably about it.

What's going on?

I have decided to make this public. As some of my readers will know, it was a draft on my blog that culminated in my third ex and I getting together. The following is that draft without this first paragraph. Understand that this was written almost a whole year ago and was pretty hastily written without much proofreading and hence the English is not only a little cancerous, some details are also left out while others that I did not remember have remained here. I have also gained much clearer hindsight on my first 2 relationships as well so whatever I have mentioned about them in the draft may not be relevant anymore. I have made a decision to keep the original title of the draft as opposed to my recent trend of one word titles.

Just exactly what is going on? Recent developments have made me really confused. So on last Wednesday, the bro and I went to visit Ian and YF, who in case you didn't know, are together and Ian is my sec sch bro and YF is the bro's sec sch bro. The coincidences. Not sure if I said it before but here it is again if I did. 

Anyway, I had the pinchings of a lifetime that day. By the gods. They were real and they came so often. Well YF pinched Ian too so I guess we both had it. Though I still think I had it more. And then there's other things. She slept on me because she didn't want to sleep on the table(and I was 100% sure I smelled like sweat). Then there was the tickling, which I attempted to stop by grabbing her hands, which I then realised I still held on to it so I decided to let it go. And her caressing my hair, which she did on Wednesday and Friday, when we went to Ikea after fixing her laptop. And while we were queueing up for food, she looked up into my face and did this real adorable smile with her eyes closed. Like geez it was tempting to go ahead and peck her on the lips. But we're just friends and it would have been creepy if I did that so I didn't. And then on the train journey back, there was space for both of us on the train to stand pretty apart, close since it was crowded but not that crowded that we were touching. She for some reason decided to push me(not physically but sort of made me back up by coming nearer and nearer) into the door such that her face was literally underneath mine and I swore she grazed my dick with the back of her hand. And then using me as a pole in the MRT, holding on even when the train was stationary.

I'm really not quite sure what to make of all that. Throughout 10 years of my education and interaction with females, I've neither made that much contact with a girl nor received that much flirting. Well then again there were my two girlfriends. Apart from them, not really anyone else. And the level of flirting was beyond what they ever did. Now see, she's really a great girl. She's definitely attractive, pretty smart, caring and a brilliant friend. I can see myself loving her more than friends. But I'm hesitant because this could be not what I think it is. Either she does like me, she doesn't and just doesn't know how to not make boys fall in love with her. And I don't think it likely that she likes me because we've been shipped together by our friends before and we have both given it thought. She said that I'm a lot like her boyfriend and she broke up with him like literally on Friday. Because he was too nice for a fucked up bitch like her. Which to be honest, I don't think she's a fucked up bitch at all. Then again, I don't know her history so I can't say.

And I'm also hesitant. Hesitant because I know her boyfriend and he knows me. Also, a classmate likes her too. Even if she does like me, I'm still hesitant to do it because of my principles. I don't want to feel like I took her from them. I'm sorta lukewarm about this because of that. In the case that she does like me, that's great cause she's a wonderful girl. But then again I'm reluctant to like her back because of my principles and because of the other 2 guys. It's a fantastic dilemma ain't it?

Palestine

Haven't blogged in ages just because but I'm back and I've got something to talk about. Palestine. Well not really Palestine but rather Muslims and Palestine. Recently a news site had published an article about an Israeli soldier who shot a subdued Palestinian who had stabbed another soldier. Now, I'm going to say first, I'm not anti-Muslim or antisemitic, or anti-anything. I just call things out the way it is. Recently the Palestinians have been stabbing people or driving over people with their cars. I don't care about that either, because it's not my issue. I'm also not going to judge the soldier who shot the man, because I don't know him. He could just really hate the Palestinians or maybe he was infuriated by the man because he stabbed his best friend. Who knows?

What I really wanted to talk about is the Muslims who have been calling the Israelis "Zionist terrorists", and accusing them of genocide and illegally occupying the land that hold. Well if you really wanted to blame someone, you'd have to blame the Brits, who promised the land to Zionists, the Palestinians themselves and a third party for help in taking down the Ottoman empire. Then when the UN was formed, the Brits promptly dumped this issue onto them, who decided to give the land to the Zionists. So in other words, they are not illegally occupying the land. Nor that of the Sinai Peninsula and part of the Golan Heights because it was Egypt, Jordan and Syria who invaded them first and they came to possess those areas in their counteroffensive. And honestly, given the battle record of the IDF, it really wouldn't take that long for them to completely wipe out the Palestinians if they really wanted to.

So as I was saying, these Muslims that are supporting the Palestinians are only doing it because of Palestinian Muslims. Now, Palestine is a large place and historically has been populated by people of many religions, particularly Islam and Christianity. So what does that mean? There are Christian Palestinians (and Palestinians of other religions as well). So what else does that mean? Those Muslims that have been supporting Palestine are actually hypocrites. They aren't supporting Palestinians because it's a crime against humanity or that they sympathise with their struggle and what not, it's merely because of the fact that most Palestinians are Muslim. If Palestinians had been overwhelmingly Christian instead of Muslim (or really any other religion), I bet you my ass that none of them would be supporting the Palestinian cause. And seriously, some of them actually condone the stabbing, yet they condemn the shooting. Shouldn't you be condemning both?

And before I end off, Hamas isn't exactly a white knight either, they've used ambulances as troop transport and purposefully placed rocket batteries in civilian areas and also target civilian areas with those same rockets. They also put their headquarters and such in civilian areas, using them as human shields. So really, you can't expect me to sympathise with them either. I would also like to reiterate that I am not anti-Muslim, I'm just calling some of them out on their hypocrisy. That is all.

Exam

Literally exams tomorrow. Or today, if you're like me and like to count it as the next day once it passes midnight. But I am also a person that requires to sleep before a day actually passes in my mind. So when I stay up for more than 24 hours, which is a common occurrence, that causes temporal problems for me where I lose track of the days. And I know jack shit about the last topic for the exam tomorrow, which is vectors (well not jack shit, I know the secondary school stuff but there's also new stuff so you know), and I'm right before the last tutorial but I'm just going to catch a quick break to type this blog post because my priorities are obviously in check. I check them as much as I check my straight Asian male privilege.

And should the fact that I did not listen in class and hence not know what the last topic is about faze me? Yes, why yes it should. Am I fazed? Not in the slightest. Honestly, if you can do the tutorials, you can do the exam. I did, after all, finish an exam with 20mins to spare and scored an A grade on it. I can only say, you just gotta be careful. If you could do the tutorials, you should be able to do the exam. Plain and simple. But honestly I feel like eventually the fact that I am never fazed by anything will come around and bite me in me arse and I'll kick myself in the arse at that moment for having known but not bothered. Like I could literally be facing death and be calm as fuck until I realised I fucked up actually and my last words would be," Well shit." Or," Oh fuck."

I'm also kind of an indirectly direct guy. Like say if I don't like you, you'll eventually know. I won't say it to your face, but you'll know. I won't pretend I like you, or at least, not for an extended period of time and even if I'm tolerating you, I will definitely still make sure I get out what I don't like about you, though I might not make it obvious at that moment. And I also literally do not give a fuck if you don't like me back. I don't need approval from other people. The only approval I need is from myself. As a friend of mine would say," Fuck you, you don't tell me what to do." Well unless of course someone's life is in danger or you're telling me how to bake a cake or something. Otherwise, if you don't like me as a person, I don't care in the slightest. Little people don't get to dictate my life. Go ahead and block me, it only tells me I win by forfeit. You can earn my respect when you can back your shit up yourself. Until then, what you're telling me is the equivalent of air. Worthless.

Which also reminds me of this other piece of shit that I've actually talked about before. I'll just call him K9. Basically, a piece of shit not because he has a shit character, which he does but that's not the point, but because he denies what he is. First of all, he's a weeb (weaboo). I am inclined to dislike weebs if that's my first impression of them and they reek of weeb. That's not to say I hate weebs, I do know nice weebs and they were usually people who I never had the first impression that they were weebs.

Now at first, I did not know he was one. (Or I might have forgotten that I did think he was one because once I think you're at least an okay guy, I don't really mind if you're a weeb anymore. He also supposedly used to have anime girl badges all over his "tactical spec ops black" backpack that I now faintly remember and might have told him it completely destroys the look he is attempting.) But gradually the fact that he consistently keeps recommending me manga and anime and knows the most obscure of references in those genres and even knows what shit like step ahegao something something hentai means (it was once referenced in a 4chan post that I showed him, the exact subgenre of hentai escapes me but step ahegao was inside it and he actually read the manga that was recommended by the guy who asked for one in that genre in the post, clearly well versed in the weaboo).

And he was also extremely proud of this iPhone background featuring an anime girl with tits that could jiggle in accordance to the angle of tilt of the phone, complete with sakura petal shower animated in the background. He even proudly showed me the fact that you could adjust the jiggliness of the titties. His steam profile picture and wallpaper used to be those of anime girls until he changed it recently in order to mask the fact that he's a weeb probably and he also collects wallpapers of Japanese visual novel games. Allegedly for fun. Hmmm, I mean all the signs point to the fact that he's a weeb but sure, of course, you collect those for fun. I collect knives for fun too, but I'm in no way a fan of knives. Nuh uh. 

He also smokes. I will say first that I have nothing against smokers, honestly. I've known many a smoker and never judged them by the fact that they smoke or why they do it. But he, is a very special brand of shithead. See, where most smokers know that they shouldn't ask other people to smoke with them if they don't smoke, or they know it's not healthy or normal for most people, he thinks it's a very normal thing. In his words, "Everyone will smoke at one point or another in their lives, especially if you are in the army." Here's another one, "In order to become an officer in NS, you have to smoke and not get caught." Well you might wonder how the sergeant knows if you're officer material if you weren't caught, I know, I wondered too. But apparently, he says, they just know because they smoke too. But they will never know the method you used because they never used it themselves and hence won't catch you using it. And also apparently it's not leadership or intelligence that shows you're officer material. It's smoking. You heard it from him first. Honestly, I've lived 18 years and he has said by far the most stupid and illogical things I've ever heard. I wonder seriously if he listens to himself sometimes.

His Zippo lighter that never used to be functional (it doesn't have fuel in it), suddenly, recently became functional. I've told him in the past that if he fueled it up he could do those lighter tricks and shit which is pretty cool and he said," Nah I just own it for fun." Mysteriously though, it works now, he doesn't know the tricks because he just opens and lights it in the middle of class like how a normal person who doesn't know the tricks would. Well if he doesn't know the tricks, isn't practicing them either, I wonder why it works now? Can't be related to the fact that he disappears for half an hour for a few lessons and when he returns, plays with a packet of ciggarettes for about 10 mins before he finally keeps it in his bag now, can it? Nah, can't be. He doesn't smoke, just like how he's not a weeb.

Honestly I've seen him smoke 1 time, from which I could tell he's not an experienced smoker and doesn't know how to smoke from the way he expels the smoke and holds the cigg, not to mention the fact that he lacks a smoker's etiquette of not sharing the smoke with non-smokers. I've sat at an entire table of smokers smoking away and not caught a single whiff of the smoke. Not the case with him. Oh he would come and hang out with you and be all cheery as if it's nothing wrong. And also he broke his promise to a friend which was that he would only smoke when he was with him. I do not know who that guy is, never seen him and K9 still smoked in front of me. I don't have to say more do I.

Honestly, never mind that he smokes, he's going around extolling that smoking is normal and he told this rather innocent girl, whom I fear might not really know what's good for her, that smoking is a normal thing and he would respect her if she smokes. But it's fine if you don't, you don't have to. "It's cool to inject yourself with cancer, I'll respect you if you do. But if you don't, it's fine too, you just won't be cool and respectable." Honestly what a freaking shithead, that's all I can say. Grade A fuckwit. He just keeps denying what he is. I can't stand that. He's lost all the respect I had for him (honestly, I had some because he was finally someone that understands what I am saying when I talk about firearms and such, a rare find in Singapore). I hardly talk to him anymore and I don't lose anything out of it, he's a real fucker. At least man up and have the fucking balls to own up to your words and deeds. I recently got a haircut (which needs product to stay in proper shape and all) and he's told me that I need to get a real man's haircut, which in his opinion is a fucking buzz cut. If you think that's cool, more power to you, but by no means does a man's hairstyle determine his masculinity. If you think it does, your perspective needs some serious checking.

I've said more than I should and deviated quite a lot from my original talking points into a rant so I'll end it before I end up sleeping at 03 30.